Got to make fun out of a bad situation.
Disclaimer: an Endoscopy is quite easy and mostly painless. You basically are asleep through most of it. I say mostly painless cause the nurse could not aim and find the vein in my arm. ouch
So the past 4 months have been sort of disruptive for me. It all started on April 4, I remember because that’s the day that captain America: the winter soldier got released, and I went to see it. But the previous day I had experience some sort of discomfort, could not breath quite right, had accelerated heartbeat etc. I assume I was just stressed out and needed some relaxing, so that’s why I went to the movies. But during the whole movie I was having the same issues; I also had to run to the bathroom every few minutes. When I got home I got worst. I basically experience nausea and dizziness, the cure for which I found was to lie down in bed. I essentially could not be up for more than few minutes without feeling some sort of nausea, dizziness or lack of breath, and my only solution was lying in bed. If you noticed I did not upload anything on April cause of this. I also did not eat very much. I drop 15 pounds on April alone by just doing nothing. Depression followed shortly thereafter. I did not know what was wrong with me until I saw a doctor next month.
My issue was stomach related. In essence I was producing too much acid and that gave the dizziness , nausea feeling and lack of breath, which also contributed to my not being hungry most of the time. The acid basically made me feel bloated and not hungry, but that also meant that if I did not eat I felt weaker and remain in bed. It was a vicious cycle and demanded that I changed my diet drastically. On second visit to the doctor diagnose me with colitis, which was indeed stress related. Thou the issue here is how my stress was being handle. I never really complaint about being stressed out before but that’s because I consciously did not see it that way, but subconsciously my body reacted to the stress without me really taking noticed. That is, of course, until this breaking point.
In retrospect, it all makes too much sense. Last 2 years has been nothing but me being in survival mode, worrying about money, or getting a job. I had gotten to the point where it really doesn’t faze me if I get a rejection letter or if I don’t hear back from the job submission. But I think the straw that broke the camel back was my wife getting sick. With no job and no health insurance (at the time) it pretty much made me feel helpless. I came to find out that one of the side effects of my condition was depression and it’s not like I needed any more help for that to happen. It was really taking a lot of me to not think of “crazy ideas” while in that state. And while I’m not out of the woods yet, I am getting better now.
Now I don’t want you to think this is all doom and gloom here. What I basically learn is to be thankful for the bad times. No, really, going through these bad times does make appreciate the good times way more. It’s just matter of hanging on and marching through the tough times. See them as a blessing in disguise. Like I have a healthier diet now and just lost 30 pounds cause of it (take that p90x). And I do wish to thank you all. The fans: for leaving nice comments on my work. The commissioners: because they’re the only reason I’m not on the street. My patrons: for letting me know my stoopid ideas have some value. You got me through some tough times. Thank you.
LET THERE BE BONES!
Super Robot Sunday: Gundam Mk. II
cat riding dog (wearing sunglasses)
that dog has a frickin cELL PHONE WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL IS THIS
someone who turned into his fursona